These Phrases given by A Father Which Saved Me as a New Dad

"In my view I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple words "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk between men, who still absorb negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to take a break - spending a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a friend, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."